To hate, or not to hate? Whole30 Day 4

As I sit here eating my last serving of chia – there have been 3 today – and reflecting on Day 4, I can decidedly say that it started better than it has ended.

Last night, I wouldn’t have predicted that.

To rewind – after my post yesterday, the afternoon went pretty well. I had one more snack before dinner, and then Tom cooked sausages with sweet potato fries and arugula. Dinner was delicious, but the cravings came back. Once again, I was wandering hopelessly around the kitchen wondering what, if anything, would be a good choice. I managed to distract myself, and found that after 10 minutes or so, the cravings were gone. We had some nettle tea before bed, and that was that.

One surprise that I didn’t see coming was that I felt strangely relaxed before going to sleep. I truly felt like I could relax my muscles and ease into deep sleep. I don’t have trouble sleeping (other than the obvious trouble of having a 1-year old), but I do have trouble completely relaxing at night, and I often wake up with a stiff neck. Some of that is due to curling my body around Ada, but the difficulty relaxing is there whether or not I’m sleeping next to her.

However, even though the evening was relatively smooth, I had read earlier in the day on the Whole30 Timeline that today would be the day I would start hating everyone and everything. The desperation I felt immediately following dinner last night felt like a warning that I would wake up today filled with bile. So despite easing into sleep, I expected to wake up with fury.

But I woke up pretty much okay with everyone and everything. I wouldn’t say I felt fantastic – still tired from being up with a crying baby, still stiff and achy even though I felt relaxed last night (maybe stiff from the coffee? that’s one cause and effect I’m exploring), and still hankering for some green tea – sans honey. But that is still better than daggers coming out of my eyes aimed at everything in my path, as promised by the Timeline.

I stayed on track and had a productive and happy morning. I didn’t have cravings too bad after lunch and didn’t feel the need for coffee. But Ada needed more attention than I could give her and still get my work done, and I got an email from our lender listing more items requested by the underwriter for our loan – that on top of several other dangling threads related to things I need to do personally and for our big move coming up and Ada’s birthday and my mind felt full. I wanted to cross things off my growing to-do list, but I was tethered to my computer/job.

And I found that I did start to hate all the things.

I’m not sure it’s fair to blame my bad mood this afternoon on the Whole30, though. I allowed myself a snack a few hours after lunch and didn’t feel all too deprived. Maybe something happens when the bad food is out of my body that allows buried emotions to rise to the surface. Or maybe it’s just that every month or so I feel sorry for myself for having a really boring job. I’d like to change that, but it would probably mean not being able to stay at home with Ada. That change will come soon enough. Whatever the cause, I ended the day feeling frustrated.

Tom had also had a rough day and had spent most of the afternoon hungry. So he grabbed some hazelnuts and we went for a walk. We took Ada to the park and let her play on the swings and the slide. When we came back, Tom cooked dinner while I exercised. All of this helped to relieve the frustration somewhat, but even after a bath with Ada and a hearty dinner, I am still feeling in a slump and very much looking forward to a fresh start tomorrow.

Recap of meals today:

8:30am

-hot lemon water with cayenne

-juice (chard, parsley, 2 carrots)

10am

-2 eggs, 1 slice bacon, half bowl of chia with grain-free granola and an apple

1pm

-leftovers from dinner: 1 sausage, some sweet potato fries, plus kale and seeds cooked in coconut oil and sesame oil, 1/2 an avocado

4pm

-snack: 1 slice ham, 4 olives, spoonful of chia with berries and sprinkle of granola

6:45pm

-snack: 1 slice ham, 1/2 an avocado

8:15pm

-dinner: 1 sweet potato, cooked onions and peppers, 2 chicken drumsticks

-after dinner: 2 spoonfuls chia with sprinkle of granola

 

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